("the man you're about to see has NO FUCKING NECK!")

(Quando il narratore appare sullo schermo, tutto il pubblico urla terrorizzato)

NARRATOR: I would like,

("you would, would you?")

if I may,

("You may!")

...to take you

("Where?")

on a strange journey

("How strange was it?)

(va verso il libro nero)

("Every night the same old story, take another book, stupid!")

(apre il libro) It seemed a fairly ordinary night

("Ordinary?")

when Brad Majors

("Asshole!"),

and his fiancee Janet Weiss

(Si deve ripetere il nome facendo sibilare la s finale, per comodità scrivo la pronuncia: "Uaiss")

, two young, normal

("normal ?")

, healthy

("healthy?")

kids, left Denton that late November evening, to visit a Dr. Everett Scott

("UH!")

, ex-tutor , and now friend to both of them.

(Qui la battuta cambia a seconda della fantasia dei presenti "Is it true that you're constipated?")

It's true there were dark storm clouds.

("Describe your balls!" - a teatro capita spesso che a questo punto il narratore risponda "Descrivimi le tue prima" al che sarebbe opportuno inventarsi una risposta del tipo "Fuzzy, pink and swollen" il narratore farà qualche commento, poi riprenderà le sue battute secondo copione. In caso contrario, se risponderete con la battuta "heavy, black and pendulous" prima che il narratore continui con le proprie battute secondo copione, vi sentirete dire "That's my line!")

Heavy, black, and pendulous, toward which they were driving.

(Anche qui la battuta può essere variata a piacere "Is it true you're also gay?")

It's true, also, that the spare tire they were carrying was badly in need of some air,

("So's your fucking neck")

but, uh, they being normal

("normal?")

kids, on a night out...

("it was a night in!")

well, they weren't going to let a storm spoil the rest of their evening,

were they?

("Certainly not!")

On a night out...

("A night in!")

It was a night out

("A night in!")

they were going to remember...

("For how long?")

for a very long time.

("Oh, what a fucking trip!")

(Brad e Janet sono in macchina. C'è buio e piove. Lei sgranocchia del cioccolato e legge svogliatamente un giornale. La radio trasmette un discorso del presidente.)

NIXON: I have never been a quitter... To leave office before my term is completed is abhorrent to every instinct in my body. But as President I must put the interests of America first. America needs a full time president... and a full time congress...

JANET: Gosh, that's the third motorcycle that's passes us.They sure do take their lives in their hands, what with the weather and all.

BRAD: Yes, life's pretty cheap to that type.

("Yeah that type!")

JANET: Oh. ...What's the matter, Brad darling?

BRAD: Mmmh. We must have taken the wrong fork a few miles back.

("Asshole!")

JANET: Oh, but where did those motorcycles come from?

BRAD: Hmmm... well I guess we'll just have to turn back.

("No, don't!" oppure "LA BUCA!")

(Boom!)

JANET: Oh! What was that bang?

("a gang bang")

BRAD: We must have a blowout. DAMMIT!

(si picchia un pugno sul bracciolo della sedia,

contemporaneamente a Brad)

I knew I should have gotten that spare tire fixed.

("Asshole!")

Well, you just stay here and keep warm and I'll go for help.

JANET: But where will you go in the middle of nowhere?

("Try the Castle!")

BRAD: ...Didn't we pass a castle back down the road a few miles?

(Applausi & acclamazioni "What a fucking genius!")

Maybe they have a telephone I could use.

("Castles don't have telephones, asshole!!")

JANET: I'm going with you.

BRAD: Oh, no, darling, there's no sense in both of us getting wet.

JANET: I'm coming with you!

Besides darling, the owner of that phone might be a beautiful woman

("He is!")

and you might never come back.

("You should be so lucky!")

BRAD: Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey.

(escono dall'auto, Brad tira un calcio alla ruota. Sta piovendo, e Janet si ripara con il giornale)

("PIOVE!!")

(Con i GIORNALI sulla testa, cominciare a sparare l'ACQUA)